How NOT to create a successful blog

January 6, 2007

Blogging has evolved and gained importance. However, if your blog is not successful then it has no ability to transmit your ideas to communities. So many articles have been written to advice bloggers to take their blogs to a better rating, but as far as i observed there isn’t any about tips to make blogs suck. So i decided to write one, for both obeying and having a blog just like mine or avoding them to build a shiny, glorious blog like, um, just not like mine.

Write whenever you want to: Successful blog writers always have regular posts. They carefully observe the events and publish new posts about them on a regular basis. Do NOT do this. If you feel yourself in the mood publish 4-6 posts in a row, then take a break for a couple of days or weeks and do the same again. By this way even the possible subscribers will eventually lose their interest in your blog.

Do not share common interest: Because if you do people will comment theirs and you will gain some readers. Just talk about your nonsense life, people will flee like hell. Never give response to the ones who are really interested about it, if there is any. Also, if you are living in a third world country and have an internet connection as a gift from god, you can post entries about your homeland that %98 of entire human population does not know where the hell it is located.

Avoid simplicity: Confuse readers by using slang and abbreviations. However it is much easier to write “That was a wonderful sunday morning” prefer saying it as “Dat wuz 4 w4@ndeRfuLL sUndAe m00rnin'”. It looks cool and make you a 1337 bloggah. Spell checking? Don’t even think about it. Also use the words or phrases that don’t have a meaning when translated to another language, forcing the other people to learn yours or go to hell.

Make a visual difference: Having a theme based on colors like fuschia, lime and vibrant red will make your visitors’ eyes bleed. Confuse them with 2 of 3 columns fully loaded with banners, constantly blinking and mouse-over-yelling banners and non-useful links. Locate a search box for possible incoming keyword searches that direct them to offensive content websites.

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